Friday, August 17, 2012

Moving Forward

      After an extended hiatus I finally decided to sit down and organize my thoughts. The thoughts that have been consuming my energy on so many of my long runs. Cluttering my mind like a busy white board at the end of a seminar. Quite honestly the need to do this was long overdue. As Summer comes to a close the feeling of starting a new season with a new state of mind is a much welcomed idea.

   This morning tossing and turning in bed I decided to get up and go for a run. Just a short 10 miler knowing I have another 15 to run this evening. It's amazing how you can see the world, your world if you take a moment and enjoy it from a different perspective or in my case gazing at it in a different light. I'm on a route that I've run so many times before. I came upon a part of the road that looked different. For some reason I never noticed that this particular stretch of road was a hill. Could have been the lighting or lack there of that highlighted this but in that moment all of the crazy thoughts that have been littering my mind started to fall into place.

   The last Marathon I ran was back in June. Three weeks prior to this race my confidence was at an all time high. I was coming off of a strong 20 mile training run on the course and I had done all of the hard sometimes grueling work that a runner does to get ready for the Marathon distance. My goals were right there on the horizon waiting for me to grab and then came my taper. I have never been loyal to the taper and because of that I decided to log some extra miles. Before I knew it I crossed over the line and my hamstrings said they had enough. Over trained and very tight on race day I still had high hopes of hitting my goal.

   Cruising along just dealing with the tight legs something else decided to smack me across the face. At mile 18 on that hot, early summer day a severe dehydration began to set in. I never planned on this being an issue. There were moments over the last 8.2 miles when I didn't think I was going to finish. There were times when I didn't know where I was and my head was so dizzy I wanted to pass out. This was the first race my family and friends attended so with them giving up their time and not understanding the thrill running gives me I continued to fight and move forward to get to the finish.

    This race has been a mirror for the path of my life over the past several months and has taught me more about living than probably any race I've run. I won't bore you with the details but just like this course my life has been hill after long hill. Climbing one and celebrating the accomplishment to letting my pace open up enjoying the ride on the down slope only to look up and see another challenge staring back at me. Over and over climbing one hill after another with the finish no where in sight.

   Out on the road this morning I realized that everything in our lives can relate to a Marathon. You can do too much and have that impact what you are striving for. You can do everything right and still be derailed by the unexpected and you can love something or someone too much where you ignore what's right for your own health and well being. I now understand that letting go of something you love in order to heal only makes the heart and body stronger. At 38 years old I know I'm not where I want to be in this life but I have had a taste of what makes me happy and if I need to start over in order to keep moving forward then I accept that this is my road. I believe that if I keep moving then I will cross that finish line and that happiness will last an eternity.